Honne ga Deru
by Kawaii Overdose
Summary: .:dell.tei:. You had me at "I'm not Len".


**Title:** Honne ga Deru  
**Rating:** T  
**Genre: **Hurt/Comfort/Romance  
**Pairings/Characters: **Dell Honne, Tei Sukone, Deruko Honne, Len Kagamine, Gumi, Konoka Ogasawara (the only OC)  
**Warnings: **I GOTTA FEVAH AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MOAR TEI SYMPATHY  
**Notes: **Inspired by the songs Crime and Punishment and Rolling Girl (there might be some Meltdown and Last Night Good Night in there too, maybe even some The Last Revolver, I'm not entirely sure). This is tied to Desire of a Failure as sort of a sequel, but I don't think you need to read it to understand this one. I would anyway, just in case, but you do as you will. :3

The title is the phrase that Dell's name is a play on. It means "to speak hidden true feelings". I don't know if the romanji is correct, but it seemed to fit regardless. If someone does have the correct romanji please let me know and I'll correct it.

Also, I realized I didn't mention this in Desire of a Failure, but I'm writing for Dell and Deruko as twins instead of Dell and Haku as twins, with Dell and Deruko being younger than Haku, like the Kagamines are to Miku. That's how I've always seen it, and it just makes more sense to me that way. Dell is about 22 in this storyline, since Tei is 19 officially.

Incidentally, this is the first Tei thing I've written that has a happy ending. :D

And yes, I DO freak out every time a turret says something in Portal. Cause that usually means they're about to start shooting at me, and I can't do FPSs TO SAVE MY LIFE.

**Summary: **You had me at "I'm not Len".

**

* * *

**

The world seemed so small from the hospital roof.

Her paper thin gown billowed slightly in the wind. The sun beamed down on her back, casting her shadow over the edge of the building, onto the pavement below.

Her toes curled around the edge in anticipation.

It wasn't like she was oblivious to the cries of the crowd below her, or the harsh screech of the sirens from the mass of police cars. But none of them had ears like hers. They couldn't hear the song she sang from the bottom from her heart. They couldn't hear her. Len couldn't hear her.

It wasn't like she didn't know that there were some people down there who did like her. But none of them had a heart like hers. She couldn't give them all her love and hope they would love her the same in return. They couldn't love her like that. Len couldn't love her like that.

And somewhere along the line she just stopped caring.

If she was destined to be hated, she may as well die now and save everyone the misery.

"What if" and "if only" wouldn't get her anywhere now. It wouldn't heal her wounds. It wouldn't heal her mind. It wouldn't heal her heart.

Then again, suicide wasn't really going to help either.

It wasn't her kind of game, but she didn't have any other choice but to play. The part of her that had wanted his love had given up, with this as it's last resort. If she didn't do this, he wouldn't look at her. And if she couldn't get his love -anyone's love- she was useless.

She didn't have any value at all otherwise.

And who knows? Maybe Len might actually love the her that didn't want his attention, his love. He would certainly be thinking about her after this, in any case.

But even with that in mind, Tei Sukone still couldn't bring herself to care.

x

He cared for her deeply. There was no denying that.

It was strange. He couldn't put down how or why it happened. But it did, and that was all he needed to know.

He even hadn't known her very long -just a few months, really- but during that time he knew she wasn't the kind of girl to just give up.

If she fell, she got right back up. If she failed, she tried again. If the path ahead got rough, she persevered.

No matter how many times he asked if she was done, she always said she'd try one more time.

Tei was a lot stronger than he had ever hoped to be, than he had ever known he'd be. Which was why when Haku called him and Deruko at work, telling them she was about to jump off the hospital roof, he found it rather hard to believe.

Yet he got into his car and drove without a second thought.

Haku and Tekuno were there to meet them both at the hospital grounds, as well as the Vocaloids, other Crypton programmers and scientists, and a horde of UTAUs. Even his boss was there, and she was the who got him past the police.

But even if she hadn't, he would have still found a way past the barricade, up the stairs and onto the roof where she waited for someone to save or end her.

He had admitted her into the hospital in hopes of saving her. To try and protect her without interfering. But it hadn't. And now, she might die.

But even with that in mind, Dell Honne would kill himself before he let her die.

X

Tei wasn't surprised when she heard the door to the roof access open, nor was she surprised when Dell came and sat on the ledge beside her. She didn't look down when she heard the telltale click of a lighter, or when she inhaled the familiar scent of cigarette smoke. She didn't even question why he was still in his lab coat and work clothes. She kept her ground and watched the horizon.

They had been through this song and dance so many times. It may as well have been the foundation of their relationship.

He exhaled, the wind carrying his smoky breath into the distance. Like clockwork, he asked, "So. Are you done yet?"

"Soon." She said. "It'll be over soon."

"On the pavement?"

"Pretty much."

"...do you want it to be over?"

Tei paused. "...not really."

When Dell said nothing she continued to talk. "I know you've done your best to cheer me up. I know you've said a bunch of stuff just to make me feel better, and you brought me here to try and protect me. And I'm glad you did all that. Really, I am. But we both knew this was coming. We both knew it had to stop someday."

"It doesn't mean you have to die, you know."

"No, but it would probably help. Make the world feel better, at least."

"You dying won't change the world."

"Probably not. And then again it might. You never know. The world is a big place. Someone somewhere will have to feel better knowing I'm dead."

"And where does that leave the rest of the world?"

She shrugged. "Dunno. But a world where I don't exist will probably work out a lot better than one where I do. It was a lot easier for you before I came around, wasn't it?"

Dell said nothing, staring at the cigarette between his fingers.

Tei smiled at his silence. "Thank you for everything, Dell. Everything you said, everything you did, just... thank you. Thank you so much. Tell Deruko and Haku and the others 'thank you' too."

"Tell them yourself. You aren't the martyr type anyway."

"Nah. By the time I get down there, the only thing it'll look like I came to say was 'goodbye'."

"So you're only gonna say your goodbyes to me then?"

"Nope. Never intended to. I think 'thank you' is a nicer place to leave off, don't you? So thanks again, Dell. For everything. I probably won't see you on the other side, but I can hope, right? Heh..."

Her feet edged ever so closer to the air. She raised her arms to embrace the sky.

She smiled.

"Have a good life for me, Dell."

For a moment, she flew.

X

When Tei's feet shuffled forward, Dell did nothing.

When Tei raised her arms to the heavens, Dell did nothing.

When Tei tried to fall, Dell lunged into action.

He moved so fast, no one -not Tei nor the frightened onlookers below- knew what had happened until the UTAU had vanished from their sights.

They all knew she hadn't fallen though. The cigarette Dell had tossed aside vanished over the edge in her stead.

In reality, Dell had grabbed one of her free arms and yanked her back. He pulled her back so roughly, they fell back on the rooftop from their combined weight, Tei landing in his lap and into his arms.

Before Tei could move, before she could say a word, Dell pulled her into his into his chest, holding her there in some sort of death grip. It didn't feel like some simple hug. It was as though Dell held her in such a way because he didn't want to lose her. As though he was terrified of a world without her.

"That's enough, Tei."

It didn't make any sense to him either. But his impulses were helping more than his rational thought.

"It's true." Dell said, resting his chin on her head. "I guess my life was a little easier before you came in. Then again, it also pretty much sucked before you came in. And, you know, I don't really want to go back to a life without you now."

Dell didn't know if his words would help, but he had to keep talking. He had to do something to keep her attention and damn if he didn't have a flair for the dramatic.

Tei remained frozen in his arms, to shocked to speak.

"...You must be tired. Normally you're so talkative." He sighed. "You must have been more sick of this than you knew. Don't worry about it. Just take a deep breath, and let's go home."

X

Tei knew Dell always worried about her. She knew, and it always flattered her that he fretted over her the way he did. It felt like she was really part of a family. Like she was an important part in someone's life.

Even so, Dell's sudden actions were so out of character, so unlike him, the emotions within her she had tried to suppress in what she planned to be her final hours came out all of once, and immobilized her, reducing her to nothing more than a statue in his arms.

"...You must be tired. Normally you're so talkative." He sighed. "You must have been more sick of this than you knew. Don't worry about it. Just take a deep breath, and let's go home."

Something in the way he said that snapped her out of her stupor, and she fell limp, hands curling into into his shirt, body trembling.

And she cried.

She cried so hard, so hard she found she couldn't breathe, and she was gasping for air between her sobs. And Tei hated crying. She hated it since it proved how weak she was. And she always promised herself that if she did cry, it would never be in front of Dell. Dell hated whining, and she was scared if she ever complained she would lose one of the best friends she had.

But Dell was still there, holding her steady. And he wasn't letting go anytime soon.

"D... Dell...!" she cried wen she had quieted down some. "Why do I keep doing stupid things...?"

"I dunno. You're stupid?"

"C-Clearly!" Tei tried to laugh at his natural snarkiness, as she could never help but laugh at it, but it came out as hiccups.

He rubbed her back with a foreign gentleness. "Easy, Tei, easy. I'm right here this time. I'm not going anywhere."

Slowly, surely, she stopped crying. But she didn't let go. She didn't think she could.

Another moment of silence passed, and she felt Dell's arms leave her form as he shrugged off his lab coat. He wrapped around her shoulders, and bringing her to her feet, led Tei back down the stairs to the first floor, with the UTAU still clinging to him for dear life, head in his chest, inhaling his scent.

Dell smelled like nicotine and hot cocoa.

He smelled like home.

He smelled like love.

X

Dell had imagined that when he calmly walked out the front doors of the hospital, Tei still in his arms, there was going to be a flood of cameras and news-reporters, all hoping to get a glimpse of the unstable UTAU. But walking out those doors and seeing Tekuno, scowl on his face and hand on his sword, scaring those people from so much as touching the shutter button or turning on their microphones, Dell admitted to himself that he was happily and thankfully surprised.

Deruko had lit up a cigarette in anxiety -about five, it looked like, if the cancer stick filters littered around her feet were any indication. But when she saw her brother come out those doors, holding Tei to him as though she were a lost child (and in a way she was), the cigarette fell from her lips, and she ran to them, tears pricking at her eyes, mascara starting to run down her cheeks. "Tei!"

The UTAU's eyes looked up cautiously. "D-Deruko?"

When the Voyakiloid was close, Tei slowly detached herself from Dell and let Deruko hold her, rocking her gently. "Oh, Tei, thank God Dell got to you..."

It was rare for Dell to see his twin so emotional. Normally all Deruko did to express herself was laugh and make inappropriate jokes with Bitter Annie. But this was a special circumstance. She could afford to cry here.

"Dell."

There was Dell's boss, Ogasawara-san, coming right behind his sister to check on Tei's condition. "Is she alright?"

"Physically?" Dell asked. "She's fine. But mentally she still has a ways to recover." He scowled. "The hospital didn't help as much as I thought it would."

"This isn't your fault, Dell." Ogasawara-san said. "But, if you intend to beat yourself over something none of us could have predicted, then I have no choice but to make you take responsibility for it."

Dell never thought he would hear what she said next.

"I'm putting you and Deruko on a paid vacation."

Slack-jawed, Dell could only muster "_What?_"

Ogasawara-san merely smiled, closed his gaping maw, and patted his shoulder.

"Think of it this way: your next assignment is to bring Tei back to health."

X

Tei didn't remember much after she got out of the hospital, after Deruko and Dell led her through the crowd, into Dell's car, and back to the Voyakiloid's home, where all the others were waiting for her.

She did remember catching a glimpse of Len though.

It was just for a second, that she looked up and their eyes met. Len had this horrified look on his face as his mind registered what she had almost done because of him.

And Tei just knew. She knew she didn't need to try and reach his deafened ears, or try to fill his empty heart anymore.

For some reason, that pained expression satisfied her in the end.

X

A few months later, the world seemed normal again.

Tei had come to live with the Voyakiloids permanently, as per Teto's request. She knew how happy Tei was with them, and had asked them all permission for her to stay. She only wanted her VIPPAloid sister to be happy, and the Voyakiloids were happy to oblige.

Over time, people got over Tei's trolling. And even though Tei was accompanied by Tekuno or Sonaka when ever she went out, no one ever lashed out at her again. She was even able to go to school again.

The world had accepted Tei, and began to move on.

But Dell found it hard to move on, if only for the reason that in order to do so he would have to risk destroying the friendship with the UTAU he so cherished. But he supposed, after everything they had been through, their bond could withstand anything. Even a bit of awkwardness. Or a lot of it, he wasn't sure how much it would cause.

He confided this all in Gumi. Gumi, for her eccentric elder brother and obsession with carrots, was a very good friend of his, and his confidant, and though he had never talked to her about Tei specifically, he just knew that she was going to be the only one he could go to with his concerns. When he did tell her this, Gumi just tapped her chin in thought.

"You know, Dell, when I first met you, I thought your name was kinda ironic for you. 'Honne ga deru' and all, but you think too much and never say what you want to say. I think the only way to get past this is to do play on your name, you know?"

"I get what you're saying, Gumi, but the problem with that would be my masculine pride. And I rather like having some balls."

"Yeah, I figured. Just be glad you're not your sister. She's got more testosterone than you, you know."

"You always know just how to be brutally honest, Gumi."

She smiled. "That's why you keep coming back to me, isn't it? To hear the truth you don't want to admit?"

"Must be. Can't think of any other reason."

"Hey, you're manlier than Len. That's an advantage for you."

"Well, yeah, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out."

"Exactly. Len is just a boy. It would take a man to Tei happy." Gumi stood then, and prepared to leave. "So you go be the man Tei needs in her life."

X

"Knock knock, can I come in?" Tei said, walking into Dell's room without waiting for an answer. "I'm already in, so say 'yes'."

Dell's eyes didn't leave the screen of his computer. "Hey, did you get them?"

To that, the UTAU tossed him a new pack of cigarettes. "Think fast."

He caught them without so much as an upward glance, and automatically ripped open the box and took out a cancer stick. "Thanks. I needed this."

Tei handed him his favorite lighter and an ash tray, laughing to herself all the while. "It's just like clockwork with you. Sometimes I'm not sure whether or not to be glad that you're so predictable."

"I'm pretty sure that wasn't a compliment, but I'm gonna take it as one anyway."

"Whatever blows your hair back, Dell." And with that, Tei turned on her heel and back to the door. "I'm gonna go play Portal with Haku now. Come join us if you get bored and wanna watch us freak out like a couple of weirdos every time a turret talks."

Her hand reached for the door.

"...Tei, wait a second."

"Hm? What's..."

Her words fell when she met his gaze.

Dell had broken away from the computer screen, lit cigarette in his mouth, leaning back languidly in his chair. But something about the way he held himself in that moment seemed... different.

Almost unpredictable.

He sighed. "...you wanna go out on Saturday?"

Now he was definitely being unpredictable.

Tei blinked. "...Dell, are you asking me out?"

Then he blushed a light pink, and Tei truly feared for her life.

Dell rubbed the back of his neck. "Listen, Tei... I'm not Len. I'm a sarcastic workaholic chain smoker. I can't change that. But I know what you deserve. You deserve someone who'll take care of you, and whose existence won't risk your well being. I can't say I can do enough to make sure that happens, but I'll damned if I don't try, so-"

In two quick strides, Tei had come to his side, plucked the cigarette from his lips, leaned down and pecked his lips lightly.

Dell sat there in shocked silence, mouth opened in shock. Tei put the cigarette into the ash tray.

And then she smiled.

"You had me at 'I'm not Len'."


End file.
